Ready. Set. Go!

Time to bring everyone up to speed!

Our last post (nearly a year ago!) ended with an open letter to our surrogate-to-be.  After many interviews and even signing with an agency, we've gone independent and found the most amazing surrogate, Andrea!  Andrea won our hearts over and we couldn't be more elated that she's decided to help make us both dad's.

OMGee we're gonna be dads!

But before we become dads we're first having a Baby Making Brunch.  What's a Baby Making Brunch you ask?  Well Allen and I decided it would be great if everyone met before starting to build our little family.  So this Saturday my parents, Andrea and her husband, and our egg donor and her boyfriend will all be having brunch.  I'm thinking we should all order eggs...

And as if making a baby weren't enough to keep us busy we've been house hunting for about the last two years and now we're in escrow!  We close on our home next week and I've been a busy bee pinning ideas for the nursery  :)

So keep those fingers crossed for our up and coming transfer and hopefully we'll have some good news to share soon!

A Letter to Our Future Surrogate

Goodbye India.

We were so excited to visit India and start the process there in the next couple months.  But as of last Tuesday those plans have been squashed by my parents, aka the first time grandparents-to-be.

The conversation started with their desire to be at the birth of their grandchild and ended with them committing to assist us with surrogacy here.

Hello California!

While saddened with the news we won't be traveling overseas, we are thrilled at the idea of starting our family locally.  There are a number of advantages with the biggest one being the birth certificate. California allows two people, no matter their sex, to be listed on the birth certificate.  This means when our child(ren) are born, the birth certificate will read "Parents: Robbie & Allen".  Yay!   :)

As we've begun interviewing surrogacy agencies again they all require we write a letter and include photos to our prospective surrogate. We'll still keep posting about our journey but I end this post with an open letter to our surro-to-be:

Less than 5 years ago I couldn’t have dreamt of writing this letter to you.  I wasn’t out of the closet.  I wasn’t dating men.  I wasn’t open and honest with myself, my family, or my friends about who I really was.  I was in complete and utter denial.  I couldn’t be gay, I just couldn’t.  I wanted what all my buddies had: a wife and kids.  Accepting the fact I was gay meant I couldn’t have a family.  Or could I?

Less than 5 years ago I thought my life was close to perfect.  I owned my own home.  I had a great job.  I had all the close friendships one could hope for.  I was also dating women but I always found something wrong with each one.  My parents would joke each date was another Seinfeld episode.  This one’s hands were too big.  Another depended on how the lighting was hitting her face.  I never clicked with any of them.  I couldn’t be gay, I just couldn’t.  I wanted a family of my own.  I wanted my kids to be biologically related to me and my spouse.  Accepting the fact I was gay meant I couldn’t have a family.  Or could I?

Less than 5 years ago I went on to Match.com and changed my match from “men looking for women” to “men looking for men”.  I had done this switch before just to browse but I never acted on it.  This time I logged on and saw Allen’s profile, a profile I had seen multiple times over the years.  The first picture was him smiling, arms in the air, he looked so happy.  The next photo he was smiling, holding a puppy, he looked so happy.  On and on each picture he was smiling and he looked so happy.  And handsome!  Did I mention how hot and handsome he was!  I couldn’t be gay, I just couldn’t.  I couldn’t contact him.  Or could I?

I clicked the button and sent him a wink.

Clicking that button and sending Allen a wink was the beginning of the rest of my life.  Clicking that button confirmed my fears that I was gay.  Clicking that button made me sick to my stomach.  What if he didn’t respond?  And why wouldn’t he respond!  I’m a catch!  OMG.  Why did I click that button!  I couldn’t be gay, I just couldn’t.  Or could I?

Allen went to work the next day and logged into Match.com to cancel his account.  He saw he had a pending wink from a really attractive, handsome, sexy, (I could go on) guy.  He wrote me back asking to meet.  We met the next day and nearly each day thereafter.  On our first date we even discussed having kids, it was a requirement for both of us.  We both wanted to be dads.  We became inseparable and I instantly fell in love with him.  I had never felt this way about anyone, ever.  But how could I fall in love with a man?  I couldn’t be gay, I just couldn’t.  I am.  I definitely am.

Less than 5 years ago I couldn’t have dreamt of writing this letter to you.  Yet now I wake up every morning thinking about you.  You’re the topic of conversation during breakfast.  You’re the topic of conversation around the water cooler at work.  You’re the topic of conversation at dinner.  You’re the topic of conversation as we crawl into bed each night.  But who are you?

We know who you are.  You’re an incredibly strong woman with an unbelievably huge heart.  You’re kind, caring, considerate, and loving.  Unlike me 5 years ago, you always knew I could have a family.  (I just wish you would have told me sooner!)  You may not have been at our wedding but you’ll be there at the start of our family.  You’re accepting of the GLBT community and believe in marriage equality.

You too have dreams of the family you’re going to help start.  You dream they are deserving of a child but they just need some help in making it happen.  You dream they have an incredible support system of family and friends excited to meet you and thank you.  You dream you’ve been searching for the ideal IP’s, a happily married couple who will provide undying love and undivided attention to the bundle of joy you help bring into this world. 

We can’t wait to meet you so all of our dreams can come true.

Love,

Robbie + Allen

Eggcellent!

I think we've had eggs every which way you could imagine:

Scrambled? - check.

Hard Boiled? - check.

Soft Boiled? - check.

Sunny Side Up? - check.

Over Easy? - check.

Fertile? - check.

Wait...

Fertile? - check.

That's right!  It looks like we've secured our egg donor!  Not just any egg donor, a donor with an AMAZING follicle count of 27.  

You read that right: 27!

I know we shouldn't get too excited because there's a long road ahead but this is eggcellent news! We've only shared it with our parents (and all of you -- our fellow IP friends!).

There's still a ways to go but one more hurdle out of the way!

Yay!

Upon endorsement

Our close friends just had their third son. That's right, third. I mean how many do you really need?  They've already got two. We'd be happy with just one!

When we initially heard they were pregnant we offered $30,000 for the baby.  We were serious.  She said if it's a girl she's keeping it but if it's another boy she'd consider selling it to us. 

It was a boy - horray!

We finally met the little guy at his bris last week and brought along a check for $30,000.  Terms and conditions of the check are below:

I can't seem to turn the photo so just turn your head.

Let's just say the check is now void.

In the meantime our hunt continues for an egg donor.  We've got 3 lined up all pending blood tests and ultrasound follicle scans.  But I can't stand all the downtime for testing! There's so much waiting since these tests should only be done on the third day of the cycle and the donor cannot be on any birth control (or you have to wait another month for them to be off it!).

Sort of on a side note.... who knew being gay would cause us to be so educated and focused on a woman's period! 

If one of these awesome ladies works out, we should know by the end of the month!  Here's to hoping our next post is the announcement of finding the egg donor.

The (not so) Incredible (definitely not) Edible Egg

We found an amazing egg donor.  We met her and her amazing daughter.  We had amazing communications.  She gave her amazing blood to be tested.  The amazing doctors said her ovaries were not that amazing.  Actually we were told "...it will be a big risk taking her as an egg donor...she is not an ideal candidate at all for egg donation.".

The search, sadly, continues.

Marketing 101

We lost our original egg donor so it was time to circle the wagons and figure out how to start our family and make this baby happen!

Friends
Most of our friends are like us too *cough* old *cough* to donate an egg.  OK they're not "too" old but in the ideal world of IVF their eggs have seen better days.  So ideally, we want someone younger.

Specialists
Ca-ching and I use the term specialist loosely.  We crunched the numbers.  $7,500 to $10,000 for an egg.  $6,500 for the locator company.  Then it's another $25,000+ to harvest, fertilize, and ship.  As my grandma would have said: "Oy vey!".  Plus where do these egg donor websites find all of these amazing women willing to donate eggs and/or be surrogates?  Craigslist, that's where.  The ads lead them to a survey to apply to donate.  If that's what it takes to be a specialist, I can do that.

Marketing 101
I run a number of businesses with my dad and handle all the marketing.  We also did some pretty crazy campaigning for the Crate & Barrel Ultimate Wedding Contest placing 3rd out of 7,500+ couples (with the winners actually being selected by C&B).  The time had come to market, campaign and seek our own egg donor.

Step 1 - Update our website, something I've been neglecting.  The contest ended awhile ago and those banners at the top of each page needed to be updated.

Step 2 - Create my own survey for donors to apply.

Step 3 - Advertise our survey by reaching out to friends, family, acquaintances, strangers, you name it.  We also posted on our Love At First Wink Facebook page.  And of course we posted on Craigslist!

But the most successful so far has been paid advertising on Facebook:

Aren't we cute?  Who wouldn't want to donate to us!

Which, of course, links to our donor survey:
http://www.loveatfirstwink.com/equality/Egg_Donor_Application.html

Lastly we reach out to our blogger community.  If you know of any prospective donors, please send them our way!

Progress
We've gotten a bunch of responses from many great women.  Fingers crossed.




On another note we hope Bernadette, the Princess, and The Cheeks have made it H-O-M-E!

Mixed Emotions

It's amazing how quickly a week can go from amazing to questionable to downright heart breaking.

AMAZING
On Tuesday we left at 5am in the morning to drive up to Napa.  Our friends were already there with our godson, Bronson.  We wined, dined, and had an amazing time.  While there we enjoyed (free!) tastings at Chappellet, Opus One, Flora Springs, Schramsburg, Frank Family, Silverado, Paraduxx, Grgich, Alpha Omega, and more.

My overall favorite was Chappellet.  Love their reds and whites.  Plus we served this at our Boston wedding.  Alpha Omega had the most amazing Chardonnay.  It tasted like caramel corn!   Lastly, Schramsburg was very cool with caves dating back to the 1800's.

Leaving on Friday was not an easy thing to do, especially since Allen had to head off to work Friday night.


QUESTIONABLE
While in Napa we got a text from our friend/egg donor "We need to talk when you get back".  Hmm.... And on the drive back we get a call from Allen's boss "We need to meet when you get back".  Hmm....

Work ended up being a move to another restaurant location.  I know I need to be supportive.  I know I need to suck it up and be happy he has a great job.  I just hate that he works long hours, we don't get 24 hour periods together, and now he'll be working farther from home.  I used to pop in all the time to see him but with the new location across town and the addition of crazy LA traffic, "popping in" isn't going to be easy.


DOWNRIGHT HEARTBREAKING
We met with our friend/egg donor today.  She has been holding back the fact she has some hormonal issues that are now going to prevent her from taking the necessary drugs to donate eggs.  She has tears in her eyes while telling us she can't move forward with helping us start a family.  I'm holding my tears back as I'm devastated and wondering how we are going to proceed now.

As they say this too shall pass.  Its just so frustrating.  One minute you're flying high, enjoying your 16 month old godson in one hand, a glass of wine in the other, and dreaming about how this life will be yours soon -- very soon.  And the next minute *BAM* your husband's job is moved across town and *BAM* you lose your egg donor.

Ugh.  Here's to a happier post next time!  In the meantime, some pics of our godson, Bronson!