Sunday, December 23, 2012

A Letter to Our Future Surrogate

Goodbye India.

We were so excited to visit India and start the process there in the next couple months.  But as of last Tuesday those plans have been squashed by my parents, aka the first time grandparents-to-be.

The conversation started with their desire to be at the birth of their grandchild and ended with them committing to assist us with surrogacy here.

Hello California!

While saddened with the news we won't be traveling overseas, we are thrilled at the idea of starting our family locally.  There are a number of advantages with the biggest one being the birth certificate. California allows two people, no matter their sex, to be listed on the birth certificate.  This means when our child(ren) are born, the birth certificate will read "Parents: Robbie & Allen".  Yay!   :)

As we've begun interviewing surrogacy agencies again they all require we write a letter and include photos to our prospective surrogate. We'll still keep posting about our journey but I end this post with an open letter to our surro-to-be:


Less than 5 years ago I couldn’t have dreamt of writing this letter to you.  I wasn’t out of the closet.  I wasn’t dating men.  I wasn’t open and honest with myself, my family, or my friends about who I really was.  I was in complete and utter denial.  I couldn’t be gay, I just couldn’t.  I wanted what all my buddies had: a wife and kids.  Accepting the fact I was gay meant I couldn’t have a family.  Or could I?

Less than 5 years ago I thought my life was close to perfect.  I owned my own home.  I had a great job.  I had all the close friendships one could hope for.  I was also dating women but I always found something wrong with each one.  My parents would joke each date was another Seinfeld episode.  This one’s hands were too big.  Another depended on how the lighting was hitting her face.  I never clicked with any of them.  I couldn’t be gay, I just couldn’t.  I wanted a family of my own.  I wanted my kids to be biologically related to me and my spouse.  Accepting the fact I was gay meant I couldn’t have a family.  Or could I?

Less than 5 years ago I went on to Match.com and changed my match from “men looking for women” to “men looking for men”.  I had done this switch before just to browse but I never acted on it.  This time I logged on and saw Allen’s profile, a profile I had seen multiple times over the years.  The first picture was him smiling, arms in the air, he looked so happy.  The next photo he was smiling, holding a puppy, he looked so happy.  On and on each picture he was smiling and he looked so happy.  And handsome!  Did I mention how hot and handsome he was!  I couldn’t be gay, I just couldn’t.  I couldn’t contact him.  Or could I?

I clicked the button and sent him a wink.

Clicking that button and sending Allen a wink was the beginning of the rest of my life.  Clicking that button confirmed my fears that I was gay.  Clicking that button made me sick to my stomach.  What if he didn’t respond?  And why wouldn’t he respond!  I’m a catch!  OMG.  Why did I click that button!  I couldn’t be gay, I just couldn’t.  Or could I?

Allen went to work the next day and logged into Match.com to cancel his account.  He saw he had a pending wink from a really attractive, handsome, sexy, (I could go on) guy.  He wrote me back asking to meet.  We met the next day and nearly each day thereafter.  On our first date we even discussed having kids, it was a requirement for both of us.  We both wanted to be dads.  We became inseparable and I instantly fell in love with him.  I had never felt this way about anyone, ever.  But how could I fall in love with a man?  I couldn’t be gay, I just couldn’t.  I am.  I definitely am.

Less than 5 years ago I couldn’t have dreamt of writing this letter to you.  Yet now I wake up every morning thinking about you.  You’re the topic of conversation during breakfast.  You’re the topic of conversation around the water cooler at work.  You’re the topic of conversation at dinner.  You’re the topic of conversation as we crawl into bed each night.  But who are you?

We know who you are.  You’re an incredibly strong woman with an unbelievably huge heart.  You’re kind, caring, considerate, and loving.  Unlike me 5 years ago, you always knew I could have a family.  (I just wish you would have told me sooner!)  You may not have been at our wedding but you’ll be there at the start of our family.  You’re accepting of the GLBT community and believe in marriage equality.

You too have dreams of the family you’re going to help start.  You dream they are deserving of a child but they just need some help in making it happen.  You dream they have an incredible support system of family and friends excited to meet you and thank you.  You dream you’ve been searching for the ideal IP’s, a happily married couple who will provide undying love and undivided attention to the bundle of joy you help bring into this world. 

We can’t wait to meet you so all of our dreams can come true.

Love,
Robbie + Allen







34 comments:

  1. That's beautiful guys. I can't wait to follow you on your journey.

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    1. Thanks! And congrats to you both, daddies!!!

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  2. I am bawling!!! What a beautiful heartfelt honest amusing letter. Get ready to be dads because as soon as anyone reads that letter they are going to be banging down your door to be the one to help you create your family. Cheers to an amazing (and yes, darn good looking) couple!

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  3. Wow, this letter sums up why I am so lucky to be a surrogate:) I'm so excited for all that is in store for you and I can't wait to follow your journey as I start up my second one. Good luck!!!!

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    1. Thanks, Jen! And those are some lucky dads, the twins are so handsome!

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  4. you guys that is awesome letter. I know what you felt as I was the same way. You were lucky to meet a good guy so early. I think I met my match this past summer, he accepts me for me and the child I am bringing in this world as I will be a daddy in 3 weeks. I think its grat your parents want to help, and I would have loved to done it back at home but a $100k plus to do it in the USA was not a option for me. A Police Officer is not a rich man thats all I can say. Well I look forward to follow ing your blog until you become daddies.

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  5. Guess my last comment you did not like, so I will just say congrats

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  6. Sweet, sweet letter guys. It'll be not time at all...that's my guess. Happy Holidays and I look forward to following along.

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  7. LOVE THIS! As I share you with all my surrogate friends I'm bummed I can't be "her" for you (damn insurance!)

    I know you will end up with a totally awesome surrogate, even if it's not me *sniff sniff* but I am excited to follow your journey.

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    1. We're bummed too! We wanted you awhile ago when we first met (we just weren't ready then). Thanks for all your help Kelly!

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  8. This made me cry! Wish I lived in California. :)

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    1. We cried writing it and reading it over and over! Move here! :)

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  9. I am in tears. This is absolutely beautiful. As a surrogate myself, i know we dream of matching with great couples like you! I hope you find your match. I will continue to follow your blog in hopes of seeing your family blossom! Best of luck to you both! <3

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  10. So here's my blog site....contact me maybe?
    www.mybodytheirbaby.blogspot.com

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    1. LOL Love it, Andrea! You would be PERFECT! ;)

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    2. Hey Andrea! Kelly has put in a good word about you! We're about to leave for Allen's birthday but I'll try to email you within the week!

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  11. Guys, let me just tell you, as a 3x surrogate, I am SO rooting for you! I look forward to following your story on your path to parenthood. :)

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    1. Thanks, Stacie! [not sure why this showed up on our feed today 1-31; crazy blogspot!]

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  12. I wish you the beat, i loved your letter. Iy breaks my heart that it can be a difficult road. I am a first time surro carrying twins for a wonderful couple in spain. I am excited for the day i get to hand over there beautiful babies.. Best of luck you touched my hear, and would do it for you in a heart beat... Looking forward to following your story...

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  13. I saw your letter to your future surrogate when another surrogate posted. And omg it is the sweetest letter I have ever read. Any surrogate would be lucky to have you as IFs.

    I am a gsx2 gearing up for my 3rd journey, I have IFs from NY and little C will be 1yr old next month.
    I agree with others Andrea would be perfect for you.

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  14. I read your story when one of my friends who was just a surrogate posted this on her FB page. After reading her story and watching her whole pregnancy unfold it really made me want to be a surrogate also. I have medical conditions that dont affect the baby just me and when I was pregnant with my son it was the best thing in the world! I absolutely loved being pregnant more then anything! I wish I could give you guys your dream, I just dont think I would pass the screening. :( And to think I live in California and have Tricare insurance!

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  15. Absolutely love it :) This is why I am thrilled to be starting my journey in surrogacy ( although I am still in the begining steps paper work etc... ) I only hope and pray I get matched with a couple as wonderful as you both! I can tell you both have SO much love for one another and have so much to give. Robbie & Allen you both are going to make excellent Father's <3

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    1. Thanks, Lynn! I'm sure you'll get a great match!

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  16. Best of luck to both of you. I'm a3rd time surrogate and love each moment I get with the pregnancy and seeing the moment the baby joins the world. With 3 weeks left I can't wait to deliver and wait until I can do one more journey for s couple. Wish it was for you as you both seem wonderful.

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  17. What an AMAZING letter!! Too bad I'm not in Cali :( Have you guys been matched yet? (I ♥ Andrea too! ) ;) Good luck!

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